The moment my world stopped and nothing else mattered.
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week, a week that is very important to my family. Although, I’ve talked about it in the past, I hope through my post today, I can give one family a bit of hope.
There’s a grey cloud that can surround the subject, I wish that during our fight, we could have looked into the future. I wish so badly that during the trials and heartbreak that I could have seen just a clip of these two blessings… because in the end we found our happiness and all of our prayers have been answered. To see where we started, the ups followed by the downs and to be able to look at our two beautiful blessings. It just gives me all of the feels.
Infertility pretty much consumed the majority of our marriage – almost 8 years! It’s something that we’ll never forget and it’s a disease that I’ll always spread love and awareness to. If there’s one thing you can take away from this post it’s that… “don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing gonna be alright”. A song that we still sing in.
I’ll start with our first ultrasound video at REACH (our infertility clinic here in Charlotte) during Henry’s pregnancy. The ultrasound landed on April 18th, 2013 which was the due date of our first REACH pregnancy (shown in the other video below). If you have a moment, watch this video. It still tugs at my heart strings.
Photos and Video by Kristin Vining Photography
Infertility somewhat did define the woman that I am. It defined our marriage. It was all we thought about, dreamt about, talked about. It consumed every waking thought of every waking moment. When you want something SO bad, that should come SO natural – but it doesn’t – it’s truly hard to “just relax” and let it happen. Go on vacation. Just don’t think about it. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen. Timing is everything.
I’ve always tried to shine a positive light around the topic. I tried so hard to paint this pretty picture that “everything will be OK”. Even in the moment and talking with friends, I never let them see how much this disease affected me. Truth is, those were the darkest days in our lives. Although, I have two beautiful children that I’m beyond thankful for. Those days will always haunt me. Seven whole years of trying for baby #1 and baby #2. Those days of our marriage will never get lost in the shuffle and that’s why I always say, that infertility does somewhat define who we are. And in the end, we are grateful for our hardships because without those long hours, days, months and years we wouldn’t have our two babies on earth and two sweet angels in heaven.
July 25th, 2012 after a year and a half of trying with my OBGYN, we were on our way to our first IUI procedure. As shown in this video, 2 weeks later, we found out that I was pregnant, but by 7-1/2 weeks that pregnancy was taken from us.
If you haven’t walked in and out of month-after-month of trying to conceive, it’s hard to understand why families can become so negative, unmotivated and emotional. Infertility is something that consumes your every thought, every second of the day. You literally cannot move past it. At all. You can’t avoid the topic and more importantly you don’t want to avoid the topic of pregnancy, children or infertility. You want to celebrate with friends who are expecting, pregnancy announcements, gender reveals and the birth of any child (because children are miracles, right?). Most of all, you don’t want to get excluded because you don’t have a child.
National Infertility Awareness week is a cause and a disease that I’ll always try to spread love and awareness to. Supporting families who long to bring a child home will always be something that sits heavy on my heart. If you know of someone who is struggling, use this week to reach out to them. Tell them that you care and that you’re thinking of them. Give them a hug and help them find hope. Infertility takes away the right to build a family, but with your love, support and encouragement, you can help a friend find light in a dark spot.
We celebrate these precious lives that we are so incredibly thankful for. Truly blessed to overcome a disease that I know many will never overcome. My heart aches for those of you who are fighting for a child through infertility or miscarriage. My prayer and hope is that you’ll find love and happiness in the end.
IUI – July 25th, 2015! Trying to make Henry a big brother.
Birth of Henry. 2013.
After all of our IUI’s and IVF transfers we always stood in the same place in front of REACH and took a picture. This is after our IUI that made Henry. 2013.
First IUI pregnancy. 2012. Took us 5 IUI’s to get Henry.
IVF egg retrieval 2016.
Birth of Olive Amelia.
Full circle. Image by Allison Kuhn Photography.