I’ve debated if I should actually “publish” this post… I’m a pretty positive-upbeat person and try not to dwell on the negative. But these comments, let me tell ya.
Motherhood.
Things, mothers (ahem, “experienced” mothers) say.
The “warnings”.
Please, mamas. Just please. Save yourself the warnings…
“you just wait and see what it’s like with two”
“will two make you happier”
“your world is about to get rocked”
“you won’t have time to dress henry cute anymore for school pictures”
“are you sure you want another”
“wait until your pregnant with a toddler… you’ll see”
“your walls will never be white again”
The comments. They are never-ending. And I literally… JUST CANNOT ANYMORE.
First of all. Duh. Is it NOT blatantly obvious when you add another anything to the mix that life will get a little harder? I might not be a brain surgeon, but I’m smart enough to know that when you add a baby into the mix, shit will reallllllly get real.
Maybe these mama-comment-advice-givers are trying to be nice? Perhaps they think they’re being helpful?
Spare yourself and save your breath. I take offense to your nonsense.
The amount of comments that I received prior to getting pregnant with baby #2 and during this pregnancy are down right disturbing. I know these comment givers aren’t tryyyying to be mean (maybe funny).
But it’s annoying.
First of all. I’m days away from turning 34 and my hubby’s 40th is right around the corner… we aren’t spring chickens. Our family and best friends are well into the multiple children category. We’ve been “warned”, as in, ‘we’ve seen it with our own eyes’ (for years) how hard two children can be. Yet, it never once, changed our mind during the fight towards our children.
We do not need your warning.
If crazy, time-sucking, chaotic, life-draining, beautiful-little-lives isn’t something that we wanted to experience… we wouldn’t have spent the time, energy, years and money to get where we are today. We’ve been dreaming of the madness. We want the crazy. We cannot wait.
Actually, instead of telling me how hard life is when another human being is brought into this world. Allow me to tell you what almost 6 years, 7 IUIs, 2 rounds of IVF is like… while you’re not only balancing a business, home, husband, but also raising a very active toddler. Let me explain what it’s like to keep your uncontrollable emotions at bay so that your child doesn’t realize how bad mommy is hurting. Let me tell you about the 66 months of negative pregnancy tests. Or perhaps, I can tell you what it’s like to fight for a baby through your entire marriage. Can I also shine some shimmer on how it almost tore my marriage apart? Or, how it made me question Gods love? Can I tell you what it’s like to go through that rollercoaster to find out that you are pregnant, twice, and then immediately have it taken away from you?
Allow me to tell you, “how that would rock your world”… and then, please, prep me on what two children is like… because clearly, you’re the only person I know that is a mother of two.
I’ve turned the years of pain, anger and frustration into a world of gratitude… I’m SO incredibly thankful to love, care and raise these beautiful children that I’ve been blessed with. I can’t wait for the sleepless nights, coupled with the exhaustion and Henry’s outrageous public tantrums. I’ve never treated this pregnancy anything less than I did with Henry. I count the minutes and re-read the daily app (on my phone) multiple times in a 24 hour period. We constantly talk about what this gift from God will look like. How will she arrive? When will she arrive? Having two children is everything that we’ve ever wanted (actually, we wanted 3… even 4… but that’s not an option). Yes, I fully understand that, ‘our world will be rocked’, but do you think that’s something that we don’t want?
This pregnancy wasn’t accidental, a lot of effort went into this child (both children) and we’ve fully thought about the hardships that lie ahead of us. We are just so thankful that our fight is close to over and we can’t wait to experience this new phase in life… together… as a family… with two, beautiful and healthy children.
Instead of mamas constantly trying to give their advice and warnings…. why can’t they just give thanks and be humble? Motherhood is by far one of the hardest jobs in this world, but with that, comes the rewards. So, instead of the negative warnings, tell me how rewarding it is? Tell me how satisfying your job as a mommy of two is? Tell me what you would have done differently once your 2nd child came into the world. Tell me what makes you a good mother. Those are the kind of warnings I want to hear and look forward to.
Sorry if this comes across as negative. I’m one of the most positive people you’ll ever be in a room with… but like I said earlier, ‘I just can’t even anymore’.
Also… my white walls will always be white thanks to my love for a magic eraser.
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Amen! Good for you girl! People are just jealous of your happiness and your white walls😉 I know I personally love following your blog and daily post, if people get annoyed or feel they know better then why the heck are they even following you ?!?!? They need to get a life! Enjoy the rest of the pregnancy, im preganant with my first a lil girl too, she is due Dec 21 and I loved reading your bump series!
Yassss! 🙌🏻 To all of this. When I tell people I pray for twins and they tell me I’m nuts. They don’t know the heartache I’ve had of not even having one sweet life to hold. I’m not crazy; I’m desperately in love with someone I may never know. I’ve followed your story and I’m over the moon for you! All that love within your family will outweigh anything else. Stay strong pretty mama! ❤️
This isn’t coming from a mommy. But a nanny to a mom that I’ve seen grown into a phenomenal mommy of 2.
1st I want to say that I follow you on the daily and I adore your positive attitude and realness more than I could ever tell you. I hope I’m half of the mommy you are one day and I want to be like you when I grow up 😂 (I’m 30, there’s still time.
2nd again, coming from a nanny looking in. When my mommy boss was pregnant with baby 2 she talked about how important it was to still have dates with just baby 1. Since having baby 2 she has done just that and man has it made the transition been great. Even though she is going through a divatastic twoenager (she isn’t waiting till threenager) stage she is embracing baby 2 like we couldn’t have imagined. So I will say just have dates with Henry as well. Just solo you two and same with Henry and John. I say this and then in the back of my head I’m like “duh, she’s totally already got this and prob has a book of things she’s still going to do with Henry solo (Bc you rock that much). But I’m adding my advice of the positives that I’ve witnessed. Enjoy these last weeks. Keep doing what you’re doing and thank you for always above all else being you. You rock at life. Hands down.
Love you, mama. Love the way you always own it. And you’re right – how much more purposeful and life-giving would our words be to each other if they were filled with love, encouragement, and praise instead? You’re a rock. And you rock. xxxxx
P.S. You’re just weeks around the corner from meeting a little girl who is going to rock your world from the love you feel for her. 😉 She is blessed to call you mommy.
So well said! I’ve raised three children and they are the biggest blessings of my and my husband’s life. This beautiful baby will be the best gift you can give Henry. So ignore the naysayers — you will prove them wrong. Having three was a juggle sometimes but I wouldn’t take one minute back. (And I still had time to dress them cute). Congratulations and God bless your family.
Love you, sweet friend. You’ve already earned those Mama stripes. Just flash that LRT smile and keep moving. Haters are always a step behind the Positive Patties of the world anyway 💋You will be an amazing mom to her (just as you are to Henry) And if any tired lady knows how to hide tired eyes, it will be you. Shine on!
I love you, your honesty and could not be happier for you and your growing family! You are so blessed and I can’t wait to see pictures of your little girl – she’s so lucky to have you as her mommy! Henry is going to be an adorable big brother.
Amen. Nobody could have said it better sweet mama, and I am so glad you did! I think and agree with all of the above – and we didn’t go through the struggle… We are all here to love and support you through this – and I thought having two was amazing (and not that difficult at all!)
x
People are morons. That being said, I have been secretly envious of your seemingly magical ability to keep things white.😂
I second what Elise said! Some people can find negative in the most positive situations. It is 100% about your perspective. This little girl is loved beyond measure.
And as for those white walls…when I was younger my brother took a black crayon to my beloved dollhouse. As this was the days before magic erasers, the black crayon stayed forever. As a 6 year old I was traumatized and now thinking of it makes the both of us cry with laughter. Siblings are the BEST. Crayons on dollhouses and all.
OMG I just adore you and your honesty. People are so ignorant… why do they feel the need to provide unsolicited advice 24/7?? I sweet IVF miracle is still cozied up in my belly (as you know) but from one IVF momma to another, I can promise you that I will accept all sleepless nights, temper tantrums, and “negative” parts of motherhood with open arms because I wasn’t ever sure I would even get to experience motherhood. I wish all these people would have walked a mile in your shoes (or 6 years in your shoes) before dashing out these rude comments. Bless! Praise God for our IVF miracle babies and all the craziness that is to come! Xoxoxoxox
Hey Lindsey
You are a beautiful mama.
All I can say children are blessings and you are going to love having 2! You still will be able to dress up Henry for picture day and even more.
Xoxo
Inna (mom of 3 boys 😉
So sorry for all those negative nellies. I’m currently in the trenches of having a challenging 2.5 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. And like you said the days can be hard, but yes, so so worth it! Spying in on the sleeping babies is my favorite time of day and makes me feel so much love for them. I don’t know you personally, but I know you will be a fantastic mom to both babies and love it! 🙂
I’ve loved following you for years thanks to your exquisite style (I especially love your interiors!) but this has to be my favorite post of yours. Before having my sweet boy, Beau, everyone warned me of the lack of sleep, lack of personal time, etc etc. No one has anything nice to say and I truly don’t understand. Already I look back and see middle of the night feedings as such a short, precious time. Only my husband and I got to have those middle of the night snuggles. I truly believe that people just talk to fill the space and they can’t think of anything better to say. Good for you for venting on the annoying comments! 🙂 God has been so faithful to bring two sweet angels into your family and I can’t wait to see you loving every second. XO
Boom.
YES! I love this. My husband and I call it parent-hazing. Before I was pregnant, people would warn me about how bad pregnancy is. Once I was pregnant, people would warn me about how difficult parenthood is. Now that I’m a mother of a 5 month old, people warn me about how difficult it will be two have a toddler, 2 kids, etc. It’s madness. No one goes into parenthood thinking it’s going to be a breeze. And for all of the difficulties, there are such happy moments and blessings.
Oh my heavens you hit a nail on the head. The mothers that make these comments are probably the mothers that never struggled with fertility. If you struggle with fertility, i feel that it brings you a MUCH larger appreciation for the crayons on the walls, the tantrums in Whole Foods, and the madness that is getting out the door everyday. We pray for this madness instead of dreading it. It is all we ever wanted. I would never trade a day of meltdowns for anything. Meltdowns means i am a mommy. You speak so much truth. I am with Julia (comment above) in that we call it parent-hazing.
Keep speaking the truth Mrs. Lindsey!
Yes!! You’re honesty is refreshing! I’ve never met you but I”ve been a long time follower of your blog. It’s a shame there are so many people in this world who want to tear each other down. Children are a blessing! Thanks for your honesty! I can’t imagine some of the comments. I’m glad you can see the positive side of being pregnant and I wish you a healthy delivery!! Your little guy is just too cute! Keep those blinders on for all that negativity!
This is AHHMAZING!!!! And all the haters can continue to hate on your perfectly dressed children and white walls EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE TWO!!! lol!! Love it girl!! xoxo
Yikes, all that would make me angry too…
I’ve never left a comment before, but I used to live in CLT, moved away but I always find myself reading everyone of your blog posts on my feedly. Love your posts on style, makeup, and as mid-30’s mamma of a 2yr old and also expecting my second… the pregnancy, nursery and all family related stuff! I also spent years at REACH with 6 IUI’s, 1 miscarriage, and IVF. So I find your posts so refreshing, adorable and to be honest your positivity lifts me up! Please keep that up, keep sharing, I really love reading and relating.
The way you speak so real and raw about your journey to get to where you are now — I love it, and it breaks my heart for you. I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all that you have – both you and your hubby. I cannot imagine 😰 But then, the magic eraser comment totally made me laugh out loud! I have four little girls, and number two was our hardest (probably because she cried alllll the time) but, we got through it. And as hard as it was, it sure didn’t make us think twice about trying for a 3rd and 4th. And my “advice” would not be like you’ve described that you have received. If I was to offer a piece of advice with 2 (or more) it would be to take some time to be alone with each of them. Just at home, or a date. The one-on-one time is wonderful. But of course, so is the together time 🙂 Wishing you all the best as you go get closer to life with two – you’ve got this Momma!
I even think first time mamas go through this!! I was so disheartened when I was about to have my first last year and everyone kept saying ‘oh enjoy life now because it ALL changes and is never the same’ or ‘yeah enjoy the sleeping now’ to even the ‘you’ll wish you had alone time when this baby girl comes’. Well, yes life did change but for the better, I love my life with my child even if sometimes it’s tough. As for sleep, I didn’t get much while I was pregnant! After a several months or even a full year- you do find a routine that works and you do get sleep!! Lastly, I used to love being alone and have always been a homebody- but I find myself missing my daughter as she falls asleep. Sure, I need some alone time to regroup and be myself again BUT my hubs and I always say we miss her when she goes to bed and miss our trio.
I’ve told all my friends that are first time moms that the experience is amaZing, tough, restless and simply enjoyable all in one. I’m all for a little venting sometimes -we are human- but always end it on a positive note and remind everyone you chose to be a mom and it’s the most important and more wonderful job ever!!
High five for this article and shutting down some haters!!!
You are amazing mama!!!! How blessed Olive and Henry are to have YOU. Yes to all of this! We all need a little more love and gratefulness!!!
Lindsey, I’ve never met you but I think you’re just the sweetest thing ever. You deserve joy, and you will have it with 2 babies on Earth! I have 2 girls, 2 under 2. One 3 months, and one almost 2, on 11/26. My husband and I had a stillborn son on September 17, 2013. We got all of the “2 are so hard,” and “2 is no joke,” comments all the time when we were pregnant with our Charlotte. I just couldn’t believe that these people that knew what kind of loss we went through said these things to me! With 2 babies, yes, it’s harder. Yes you feel like you’re not giving each child what they need, 100%. Yes, you’re beyond tired, yes you feel like you accomplished World peace if you get a shower each day the first few weeks, but, yes, it gets easier and, yes it’s the best thing you’ll ever cherish, things get better with each day. I had horrible postpartum after my second baby girl. This made things even harder. But, thankfully, it got better. Life with 2 beautiful girls on Earth and one brother in Heaven couldn’t be sweeter. You got this Mama! Don’t let the negative Mom’s bring you down. Can’t wait to see pics of sweet Henry and Olive togethe!
This is how I feel when people make comments on having 4 children. I try to respond happy and let it be an opportunity to brag on my kiddos in front of them. I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
My advice for more than uno childrens… make date nights a priority irregardless of the fun chaos having kids brings you. Devote a special time with that special someone to do something special….. because aren’t they the reason your life became so incredibly special anyways?! It keeps marriage locked in tight and it gives you time to reflect, regroup and recharge for not only you as a couple but together as a family. And there you will find the ethics and morals you want to carry forward with a clear vision together. (I think we are guilty for taking a nap in a Target parking lot once before…shhhh…. we were recharging… hysterical)
The negative Momma’s are exhausted. There are many of them. They become like toddlers who don’t know how to use their words to communicate. I would like to think deep down inside, they are actually happy they have more than one child but just need someone to recognize their efforts. On the other hand, there are also a lot of inspiring and positive Momma’s out there. Stick with us.
For now, flaunt that baby girl. Rock your beautiful self and glow on!! You are going to smash being a momma of many. Enjoy it! Cause there’s no point in not.
So proud of you for voicing this! You definitely are always such a positive light in my life and deserve the same in return! I am so extremely excited you will have a family of 4 here soon! You out of all people deserve it more than anything! God always has you and your sweet fam in the palm of his hand! Love and miss you sweet friend! 😉
So glad you are speaking your mind girl. I have a neighbor and more than a few girlfriends who seem to only complain about their kids and motherhood. It really is sad and I hardly know what to say in response to them. I’m dumbfounded that so many people allow what should be the most joyous time in their lives to slip into such negativity. Glad you are speaking these truths to yourself and not letting their negative attitudes get in the way of enjoying this baby girl. That is solely their problem and they SHOULD NOT point their unhappiness towards you or try to diminish this joyous time in your life. SO much love to you. I know you are going to rock this mommy of two thing. Duh! xo
Amen!!! I was seriously shocked by how good life got after the birth of my first daughter — I was so “prepared” for the worst that it really surprised me how much I inherently knew what to do and how much I loved being a mom. Once I realized that, it made me sad… we should be uplifting one another and encouraging new and expectant moms. I think I either don’t hear AS much negativity now (that I’m preggo with #2) but definitely if I had 3 or more, I’d be getting unsolicited opinions all day long – experienced that with my sister. It’s all disappointing but I strive to “prepare” all my expectant friends that it’s one of the most worthwhile things they’ll ever do!
Love ya LRT!!!! Just saw this post! You and JT are going to love having 2! I cant imagine not having Stella in our lives! 2 are awesome and no one deserves a 2nd baby more than you guys!!! You are going to love how much personality #2 has! Screw those crazy moms on their high horses! 😘😘😘 T