Where does the time go? I start every monthly post off with that question… but really, where does the time go?!
As we approach a happy celebration of Henry’s first birthday, I’m thrilled to have a healthy, happy little boy to celebrate with. But… there is a a lump in my throat that reaches the pit of my stomach. I am sad. I’m sad, because my baby really doesn’t have that much more babyness to him. The thought of him growing up is so exciting. It’s fun to think about his soccer games, school plays, birthday parties, summer vacations, boys being boys. It’s also heartbreaking to know that soon, he won’t be mommy’s little baby. It’s all part of growing up, all part of the game, and I truly blame myself for these mixed emotions. I thank God everyday that he chose to give us Henry; a healthy precious boy, but there’s a part of me that is terrified of the next stage and growing up… and most of all, this thing called “time” that is passing us by!
You might recall my 9 month post where I kind of dished my feelings on the big O-N-E.
I was talking with my girlfriends last night and over the past year I’ve come to realize that your stars can’t all align at the same time. You can’t be perfect. I used to strive for perfection. Tidy home, perfectly painted nails, outfits planned out, solid workouts, clean cars, eating healthy, wonderful friendships that at times, I put before my hubby, a good-loving marriage, successful business. The list goes on. After the biggest blessing of my life came along, I couldn’t check a lot of the boxes that I used to on a daily basis. I was ok with this, I was now a mommy and there was a precious little boy who needed me more than my body needed a workout. Upon Henry’s arrival I purchased 2 baby books, 11 months later, I have yet to write in one of them. Slowly, but surly, the newness of mommy-hood slips by you and the reality of every day life consumes you.
I spent the first 3 months of his life, completely-110% committed to him and only him. I put my business on hold and literally closed the doors (temporarily) for 3 solid months (besides the 5 weddings that we did within this time frame). It was wonderful. I would limit myself to computer and social media time. I didn’t blog. I rarely saw friends. It was just my family. It was honestly perfect, it was slow, it was just us. I then went back to work and promised myself that I would take a few days a week to dedicate to my son. This was important since I work pretty much every weekend. I had a vision of what our daily activities would consist of; library story time, running with the baby jogger, time at the park, play dates, visits to daddy’s work, picnics, etc. I realized that I haven’t made time for 90% of those activities. I understand that he’s young and we have all the time in the world to complete our “bucket list”. It just proves to show how fast time really does drift by.
Over the past few months, I’ve also realized that I’ve put work before my son. I’ve also put my work before my husband. I’ve put it all before my family at times. I’m heart-broken. I know this is natural and easy to do. We as moms are pulled in a million different directions. We wear 2198245 different hats. Most of us work. It’s a hard balancing act that nobody could warn me for. While I’m so incredibly excited to soak up all of the joy around his first birthday, I am a little sad that I let “our” time slip through the cracks. I’m so thankful to own a business that allows me to have a flexible schedule, but I’m also learning that I can’t take on as much as I have in the past. My goal for his 2nd year of life, is to learn to say “no”. To make the time for “fun”, even if it means laundry will be piled up for another day or I can’t book a clients engagement session. It can all wait. But time can’t wait. Time keeps on slipping by.
I often times find myself spilling more love over my Instagram friend babies’, rather than loving on my own. Or when an email comes through, before I can blink, my fingers are already typing a reply. Where are my priorities? Tonight, I did Henry’s bed time routine, after I fed him I quickly put him down instead of rocking him to sleep. I realize that I do this almost every night. I rarely put my sleeping baby in the crib. I’m always thinking of my to-do list and in a rush. Instead of taking the time to soak up my growing baby in my arms, I’m thinking of the dinner mess I need to clean up, the bride who has waited 5 hours for an email response, or the expense report that still hasn’t been filed.
I know this is all normal mommy habits and we are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. Or feeling like we’re not doing enough. Lately, during the rush of this busy wedding season, I have let myself down. I know that I’m giving Henry so much love. I know that the lack of library dates and trips to the park won’t be remembered by him… but they will be remembered by me. Those are memories that I want to cherish. I’m learning as I go and I can’t be perfect, but I want to give him everything that I can.
Cheers to new changes and dedicating more time to my little one. No more time passing us by.
Now onto his fun little month-by-month collage. I’m so honored and blessed to be this boys mommy.
xo
From month 10 to month 11….
He’s a loud one. Boy is he loud (and I love it). He “talks” (babbles) all.the.time. It’s pretty funny. He has some serious conversations with you (& himself) and he knows exactly what he’s saying.
The boy loves to dance and bounce. He also does this move where he stands and arches his back.
Loves to eat. We’ve tried really hard to introduce veggies before fruits. Some days are better than others, but this is one area that I put a lot of effort into. The boy loves his veggies, espically mixed veggie medley ! He now loves brussels sprouts, broccoli and asparagus. Warm apple chunks + cinnamon. Cheese sticks. Blueberries. Raspberries. Somedays he loves bananas, but most days he hates them. As far as jar food goes, he loves the EarthsBest stage 3 (chunky) foods. We also love the “Plum” Pumpkin, Spinach, Quinoa & Baby Grains for dinners. He’s still on 2 bottles (am + pm) per day. Lovessssss his morning bottle.
Loves his sippy cup. It’s cute seeing him walk around with this and stop for a little chug.
His motor skills are getting more refined. He’s a strong guy and very active. It’s a non-stop show around here. We haven’t really baby proofed anything. We have outlet plugs and 2 cabinet stoppers, but other than that we just redirect. We’ll see how long that lasts. He loves running laps. He goes from the foyer, to the kitchen, around the island, around the kitchen table and then does it all over again.
He has 6 teeth! 🙂
He’s very social and loves smiling, waving and babbling at people. He loves to walk through Target holding my hand.
He’s sleeping the same 6:30pm-6:30am. Two naps that are typically 1.5-3 hours.
He loves doggies, especially The Lunsford’s.
He went trick-or-treating this month (blog post to come) and actually made it to a few homes.
He won’t sit still, but loves his story time.
Changing his diaper, putting clothes on, etc. takes an army. Mama gets her workout in.
He’s truly the best baby. We have our “chewy” times (that’s what we call him when he turns into a crazy man), but he really is the best, the happiest, the craziest, he makes our wold complete!
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