… from my heart …
It’s been three days and I’m still shinning in my light… my runners high.
For those who have experienced this before, know that it’s contagious and addictive. It leaves me even more excited for the next run and to overcome the next challenge. More so, it leaves me incredibly happy and thankful to have the strength and ability to do something that is so exhilarating!
Running has truly changed my life and it’s helped my marriage.
I’m crying my eyes out as I write this, completely taken back that I’m having the courage to say this… on here, my blog, with my voice {and horrible grammar}. I guess this is how it goes… I started running when I was 20, I was in need to lose weight after graduating from college. I started with 2 miles and gradually added on. I hated it at first. Hated sweating. Hated the feeling of my upper thighs rubbing together with each step. Hated how slow I was, how often I fell and how out of breath I was. I cursed the entire time, but at the end of each run, ironically so, I felt fantastic. Twisted, isn’t it?! Along the way I shed a few pounds, so I stuck with it.
Overtime running became a social outlet for me. I joined groups and together with friends we conquered new distant goals. I still did it to stay in shape… even if I treated it as my happy hour. With each run, it began to get easier and easier on my body, so naturally I began to love it more…
I met my husband who also shared the same hobby as me, so we began to run together. I transitioned running partners and he became my new one. I tried to impress him with my long stride and hardly noticeable breaths… I would talk to him like it was cake. Later that evening I would be in need of a good yoga class because my little limbs don’t work in long stride. I would be completely winded to the point that I wasn’t hungry from holding my breath so he couldn’t hear my snorts. At that point my 9+ minute mile was a game… an impression game. I thought I was cool.
The closer him and I became the more I let go… I embraced my tiny shuffle, my mid-stride snorts and my out of control urge to spit. The Dilworth 4-mile run became an after work, everyday routine to us. I got to know him through our runs and he got to know me. For 45 minutes of our day we put everything aside. There wasn’t a television show, a phone, not even an iPod. Just us. Hardly did a day go by that we didn’t run together, it bonded us. Really, it did.
No life interruptions for nearly an hour… we talked about everything, life, love, past, future. All of it. I started to grow up and self image wasn’t as important. My love for running began to change. I ran because it was my therapy. My escape from the world… our escape from the world.
One morning John and I ventured out for the normal run, it was June 13, 2007. For some reason I had this sensation during our run that something over the top ‘good’ was going to happen… soon. During that 45 minutes I told him I couldn’t fight whatever feeling that I felt, God was going to change my life… something was going to change my life. I didn’t know what or how but something was going to happen. He smirked {or so he later told me…}! Maybe it was the high that I was living in during that run…? That evening the man that I ran with proposed. We were engaged and he was going to be my husband. I have never been so happy.
For the next year and a half we lived as fiancées, we planned a wedding and we still ran… together. He pushed me, I pushed him, but at the end of the day it was still about the two of us and this precious 45 minutes that we spent together.
We got married and we continued to run… even on our honeymoon we ran, the day we returned from our honeymoon we put on our sneakers and hit the roads. Our time.
We were still running… and running and running… as our time together. Soon later I started my own company and it became my baby. I worked very hard both with ‘be pretty’ and the firm that I was at. I didn’t have a lot of time for even myself… but everyday, even at 5:00am, my husband and I took that 45 minutes together where it was us, the pavement and the wind. I worked a lot, I felt guilty because deep down I knew that John deserved an actual wife. Not someone who came and left with each client, meeting and workday. In April I left the firm and devoted all of my time to my “baby”, my company, ‘be pretty’. I thrived off of making others feel good about themselves that I hardly left time for me. I was ok with this though. Through the past 7 months I’ve been blessed with a wealth of love from clients. I’ve grown my “baby” more than I ever dreamed. I’m forever thankful. So, thankful.
I’m one to admit my faults and I will fully admit that I was lacking in one area and that was being the wife that my husband deserved. Even though he would tell you, and me differently. I was hardly home and my weekends were full of making others pretty. Our runs together began to lack and so did the time we spent together.
I’m speaking still with an open heart, in hopes that nobody will judge.
The little cat fights between a married couple became more often. The “good morning” emails became less frequent. The “I love you’s” almost felt forced. I can’t believe I’m writing this… for a period of time I felt like I failed at marriage. I hated myself and I loved him dearly, I loved him so much it hurt. I was extremely lost… saddened that I lost my best friend. As, sugar coated I might have made my life seem, during this point it was anything but sugar. To only add fuel to our fire, we were {are} also trying for a family, and with each negative came more anger. Something else that I was failing at. The entire time John was supportive of my work schedule, he encouraged me and he loved me… but there was something about me that was so angry. We decided not to air our dirty laundry and/or talk about our pain. We knew it was a phase and we prayed that things would change.
Time went by…
We decided to run in our second half marathon. It became time to train and in a short second our life changed… all it took was 45 minutes a day that we had previously lost. We started back on our daily running routines where it was just us {and Nicola}. We began to laugh again, love again and with each workday I could not wait to get home to him… my husband, the man that I love dearly.
On Saturday we finished our second half marathon. It was tough, and I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to give up. With each force that was telling me to quit, I would change my mindset and focus. I wouldn’t focus on the deadly uphill but on John and I… our life together. I thought about what it would be like the day we got a “positive”. I thought about what the next year might bring us, the day we met, the day he proposed. I thought about all the wonderful things between the two of us. With each ache and pain, there he was there to motivate me, to tell me that I could do it… that these little legs could master another goal.
We crossed the finish line at the exact same time. I cried. Not because I finished, but because of what it does mentally for me and how it is the foundation of time. Sounds silly. The little 45 minutes of time where we can put everything aside except for us. Just us. I know that marriage brings it’s ups and downs and it’s all how you deal with those phases, I’m… we’re learning as we go. There’s one thing for certain, we love running… but we love each other more. We’ve learned that sometimes with all of life’s chaos you must put time aside for just the two of you. Something that we lost for thankfully only a short period of time.
Last night I received a text from a special client, Nicole… “Just talked Sean into running a half marathon with me. Used you and John and how much closer it makes y’all”. This made my evening, my week. Friends, the reason why I’m so passionate about running is truly because of the emotional aspect and the positive benefits. I hope that through my story and my journey of running I can encourage someone else to put their sneakers on with a loved one. Truly, it’s an amazing time together.
I’m incredibly thankful for my wonderful husband and for the hobby that we share.
I love you Johnny!
{ps… I haven’t proof read this post, in fear that I wouldn’t have the courage to click the “publish” button. Forgive my typo’s}
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